And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
