One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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