Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
