ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize