She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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