its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
