the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
