Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
