capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
