I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
