ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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