Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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