are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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