i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
