im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
