FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize