u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
