The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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