Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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