in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
