She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
