remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
