You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
