Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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