i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just pee around me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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