I just made out with a guy for $7.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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