apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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