i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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