note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm too high and old for this...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
