were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize