On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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