Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
