I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
