Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize