she smelled like a LAN party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
