the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
