just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
