i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
