Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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