Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize