On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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