And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
