Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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