I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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