people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
