And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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