Small penises have feelings too.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
