mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
