your parents love me but you hate me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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