Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
