it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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