I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Enjoy the penises
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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