Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
