Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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