His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
