Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just invented taco cereal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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