I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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