i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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