now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize