Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
