I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
