this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then my night got REAL pukey
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
