Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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