so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
