i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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