Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
