Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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