Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
