Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
