So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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