why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
how does that bad decision feel?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
