lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
